He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
