The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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