Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
