This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
