He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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