Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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