If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
