Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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