3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
