Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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