She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
