I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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