Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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