East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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