Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
