I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
