We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
