What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
