OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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