I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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