3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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