i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
