It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
