There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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