I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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