i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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