Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want to be your penis for a week.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
