Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
