billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
