I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
