I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
