I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
