My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
