i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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