Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
