I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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