just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
