I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize