I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
