Barsexuality is the new black.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
