she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
