My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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