whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
