Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
