I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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