I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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