Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She even gives head with a lisp.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
