Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
