how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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