wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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