This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
