We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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