I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
