I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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