when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
