i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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