Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
