I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
