Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
