she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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