WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
