I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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