if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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