Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
