I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
