I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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