My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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