The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
