It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
