no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
