Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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