hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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