Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
