she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it's like iHOP with fire
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
