i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
