my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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