my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
