Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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