Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
