and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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