He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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